Commitment

I say he's my husband but, he's not.
We are not married. We have no piece of paper legally binding us together. This does not bother me. My parents had a piece of paper. Then their lawyers had lots of pieces of paper.

I did not expect to be with him until 'death do us part'. In the beginning of our relationship when the going got tough, I wanted him to get going or I assumed that he would. That is what my parents taught me. When you are not happy in your relationship, yell, scream, give em the silent treatment or just leave.

My parents had fierce, loud arguments. It seemed like they hated each other. I believed that the only way they could be happy was to split up. Now I think that even they could have lived with each other if they had really committed to loving each other. When you really love someone, you do not do things to intentionally hurt them.

This was a turning point for me in my relationship. Things changed, we had our son, we bought a house and it was not so easy to just leave. That is not what kept us together though. We are not 'staying together for the kids'. We are staying together because we are committed to each other. When I really dedicated myself to our life together, I realized that it did not make sense to argue about little things. I did not want to take out my anger or frustration on him because he is the person I am going to be with for the rest of my life. This was a profound shift in my attitude toward our relationship.

We still do argue, though not very often. I love him deeply, even when I'm not very attracted to him, even when he annoys or frustrates me. It is because I love him that I try to overcome my petty gripes and discuss major issues. This is his attitude as well. We are partners.

So when his sister in law asked me (again) if we were ever going to get married. I just said I don't know. I'm still waiting for him to ask me. But, I know we'll be together for as long as we're both alive so, I'm in no rush.