Big Family
Chris and Carmen's Wednesday post is about the comments people make about big families.
I have to admit I've received my fair share. It also amazes me how similar the comments are. I wonder if these people think they are the first to ask if we have TV. Duh? This not a comment about my kids but, about your ignorance.
So, here are some of the replies I wish I had thought to say at the time:
"You're so brave."
Actually, my kids aren't very scary.
"You don't watch much TV do you?"
Ten out of ten doctors do not recommend TV as an effective birth control.
"Are you done?"
I don't know, how many do YOU think we should have?
However, for every inconsiderate comment, I have received many more positive ones.
My husband likes to say "When you make 'em this good, why stop?"
I don't know if the world is overpopulated, I am not a demographer and I have not studied this issue. I do know however that the world has too many neglected and badly raised kids. Any Parent who puts energy, patience and their best effort into their kids is doing their part to bring back a little balance. I also would like to salute owlhaven and others like her who adopt many kids. I have a friend who has three of her own and now she is taking in foster kids. That too requires a very special person.
So for all the mom's of many, and the moms of few and the hopeful moms to be, and the happy to be single, and the married with no kids. I think you are fine just the way you are.
Having many kids does come in handy sometimes when people want to dole out advice. Just after I had my son we were INDOORS at a mall. My other kids were with my oldest. A woman came up to me and told me the baby needed his hat on. I ignored her. She said it again. I smiled and said "He's my fourth." She said "is that your way of telling me to mind my own business?" I just smiled and walked away.
I have to admit I've received my fair share. It also amazes me how similar the comments are. I wonder if these people think they are the first to ask if we have TV. Duh? This not a comment about my kids but, about your ignorance.
So, here are some of the replies I wish I had thought to say at the time:
"You're so brave."
Actually, my kids aren't very scary.
"You don't watch much TV do you?"
Ten out of ten doctors do not recommend TV as an effective birth control.
"Are you done?"
I don't know, how many do YOU think we should have?
However, for every inconsiderate comment, I have received many more positive ones.
My husband likes to say "When you make 'em this good, why stop?"
I don't know if the world is overpopulated, I am not a demographer and I have not studied this issue. I do know however that the world has too many neglected and badly raised kids. Any Parent who puts energy, patience and their best effort into their kids is doing their part to bring back a little balance. I also would like to salute owlhaven and others like her who adopt many kids. I have a friend who has three of her own and now she is taking in foster kids. That too requires a very special person.
So for all the mom's of many, and the moms of few and the hopeful moms to be, and the happy to be single, and the married with no kids. I think you are fine just the way you are.
Having many kids does come in handy sometimes when people want to dole out advice. Just after I had my son we were INDOORS at a mall. My other kids were with my oldest. A woman came up to me and told me the baby needed his hat on. I ignored her. She said it again. I smiled and said "He's my fourth." She said "is that your way of telling me to mind my own business?" I just smiled and walked away.
posted by T at
2:22 PM
7 Comments:
The only comments I ever get are: "Are you done?" or "Are you planning on more?"
My husband usually gets, "Don't you know what causes that?"
Now that our youngest is 2 1/2, my husband doesn't get any comments but I still do.
By
Jeannine, at 6:37 PM
I hate the "helpful" advice, especially from my MIL and her friends. I'm pretty sure I got it down pat, thankyouverymuch. The only thing I could use is a whole night of sleep, but that can only happen if I am away from my children, which of course, does not happen.
We've gotten ALL the comments, and then some. I try to smile, but lately, I think people can see that I'm aggravated by it.
By
Lisa, at 4:53 AM
FUNNY hat story!
Mary
By
owlhaven, at 6:30 AM
I used to get really self-concious when given unwanted advice or hearing rude comments. But with a few years of parenting experience under my belt, I feel much more confident about the choices I make and just let those comments slide right off, like you and child n° 4 and the hat comment. I wish could come up with good quick comebacks to rudeness, but I always think of something good to say too late.
By
deedee, at 9:37 AM
Ya, I get the are you done comment too and I only have four.
Some people don't think before they talk.
By
JeepGirl, at 10:35 AM
Well stated! I have four children and I hate getting those comments.
In response to the commentor who mentioned unwanted advice - I have the same problem. I have had people with only one or two children or with no children try to tell me how to raise mine - and the advice givers are usually fairly young (early 20s).
One girl was my neighbors daughter, she was 21, and had two children, both of which had already been removed from her care by CAS - and she proceeded to tell me how to raise my children.
My usual response is:
"When you are as old as I am, and have raised as many children as I have, then and only then can you give me advice."
It sounds terrible, and I don't do it often, but sometimes people push and push - and enough is enough.
By
Undercover Angel , at 5:58 PM
LMAO! good one about the hat. People don't think and try to help but just end up insulting others. Sad.
By
Silver Creek Mom, at 9:55 AM
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